don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
