your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize