Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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