smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
