i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
