im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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