but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize