I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
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I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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