I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
