You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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