My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
