Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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