I didn't shave. On purpose
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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