Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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