like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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