Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
