I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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