Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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