and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
