Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
