Banned from zoo.
Again?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
