we have pet lesbian snakes
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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