; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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