remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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