I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
