My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize