How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am mentally ready for anal.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
