nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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