the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You pole danced in your parka.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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