Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
