He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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