Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
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