you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
