after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
