How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
