from now on my penis is your penis
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize