Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
