i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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