I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
