Tell her she can't have a vagina
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
