It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
