for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sext me about skeletons
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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