the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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