I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
