i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
