I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
