Don't you send me to vm
Farmville is her only friend.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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