Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
