hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
BRING THE BAGELS
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
