I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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