Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
nutella sex= disaster
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
