I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
