Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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