My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
