Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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