also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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