hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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