i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
