I'm drive I can fine osifer
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Rumble strips road head = magical
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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