My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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