I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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