everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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