so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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