So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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