u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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