two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
