"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
