please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
