it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
