I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
