I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
