What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
