Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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