we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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