I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
