i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
