All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
