My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
