Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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