You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
