Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't deserve a penis
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
