They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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