i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize