hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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