and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
