I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
