i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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