You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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